Depression over life is getting to me.....

We have our annual clam bake tomorrow. We see people there that we have not seen all year long. This year all of my good friends had babies and my Husband and I were trying way before they all did. And we still have not ever had a positive pregnancy test. I've never seen the stick turn blue. I went through several years of infertility and infertility treatments and they all failed and as it ended I got sicker with IC and had to have major surgery to get around it. Well another year comes around for us and I feel like I have accomplished not a darn thing in my life. No career, no house, no kids.....Tomorrow marks the first day I see all of my friends and their babies that don't live in our area. I am serious when I say they ALL had babies in the last year. I fell way behind. I've always wanted a little girl and still do. I am scared that I am going to say hello to all of them and then cry in front of them. I just want to say hello, say how beautiful they all are and then go into the bathroom and have a moment but I am afriad it won't just be one moment. I have put off seeing all of these people do to our infertilty and health issues. Plus nobody wants to hear my depressing health history. They and thier babies would all fall sound alseep. Anyway I am afraid there willl be lots of moments I may feel like crying. I just don't want anyone to see. I don't want them to think I am a selfish woman who only cares about herself. I want to celebrate thier babies and thier lives but it also hurts so bad. I wanted to come here just to let my feelings fall where they are right now. I've tried so hard to get myself well to get back into the swing of life but I just can't do it. I feel like such a failure and I may even cry about that. Everyone will be talking about thier kids, jobs, and houses, and what do I say? I am scared. I want to say and do the right things but my heart is in a different place. I've been falling deeper and deeper into depression over all of this. Clambake here we come! Ready or NOT!